Year 3- Fight!
by NewtonianFluids
Summary: In one author's pathetic attempt at humor, a Beheeyem and her trainer Greg fight a short and otherwise meaningless battle.


As is FanFicNet tradition:

**Nintendo & GameFreak own everything Pokemon related. God help you if you try to say otherwise.**

"A little to the left. No…the right. Now the left again. Hmmm."

Greg worked with his Beheeyem to set up their new plasma smart-tv, though if you asked her she would probably tell you that she did most of the work in these situations with the transporting and carrying of the television with her abilities the entire way.

[You know, somehow I don't think this is the greatest potential of my abilities.]

"Aaaaannnnnd perfect! Hold still I'll get the screw driver."

Izena sighed to herself while Greg affixed the tv to the wall.

"Okay. So what were you talking about?"

[I just think that maybe I could use my powers for good.]

"What, like a superhero?"

[No, like a job.] Greg calibrated the television to the house network.

"We have a fun time mining in the hills. Searching for buried treasure and pretending to be poor in distant foreign cities. What's wrong with that?"

[Greg, we were poor. And to date we haven't found anything with that itemfinder beyond a couple of Poke Balls, Ether and some Potions.]

They both sat on the couch while Greg fiddled with the touch screen remote, flipping through channels. There was a special documentary on the lives of Dratinis, a commercial on a Rotom style lawnmower and a news report was giving updates on forest fire believed to be the result of a Moltres battling a Ho-Oh, as a result firefighters were dealing with the flames as much as they were with arrogant trainers eager at a shot for a legendary. Greg minimized the news window on the screen and started browsing the internet.

"This is cool as shit. You know, I think I have just the solution."

[Battling!]

"I thought you hated that. I remember you said 'Battling is for the unsheltered masses.' or something like that."

[Well I need to hit something. Blow off some stem.]

"Stem?"

[You know what I mean. I need to KILL. These urges. These horrible, terrible urges. I just got to beat the shit out of someone.]

"I knew I was feeling something from you. And this whole time I thought you were horny."

[Hey! I was. You said you wouldn't ignore my needs. Why didn't you do anything?]

"Felt the violence too. Mixed messages. Better safe than sorry."

Greg turned it to EBPN and watched started watching the tournament replays. The two of them absorbed this for a few minutes. When the commercials came on it was decision time.

"You know what, it's been a slow day. You sure you wanna do this?"

[You know what? Yeah. Let's do this.]

*Later, after one night of plot progression*

"Ooooookay. I think we're all set. We got our potions, some ethers and an escape rope in case we stuck in a glitch or something like that. Anything else?"

Greg was checking his backpack as Izena was doing stretches in the bedroom. Outside bird types were chirping, bugs were buzzing and some eight miles from their house an epic battle of life and death was being fought between two broken spirits as one man fought to avenge his father's rightful death at the hand of his nemesis. But none of that mattered as Izena and Greg simply teleported to the outside of Battle Tower, across from it near a garden.

"Couldn't teleport us in?"

Izena gave him a look and turned away in a huff.

"Alright, fair enough."

A resounding –thump- nearly made them jump. When looking around they a rather confused pidgey fluttering into the bushes on the outside of the building.

Greg and his female stood outside of Battle Tower, just staring at it. It was rather remarkable how incredible reflective they'd made their windows on the tower. So far, as many as three pidgeys and two sparrows have nearly died colliding with the windows.

"Well…I suppose we should go in now."

[Yeah this is getting kind of boring. You should probably tell them about their window problem.]

"Oh, I don't that'll be necessary."

[Why is that?]

A great and terrible Fearow tore it's way into the 8th floor of the building, sending a scream and sparkles of glass raining down on one poor pedestrian.

"Just a guess."

Inside the building Greg ignored the sight of a particularly depressing break-up two trainers as he made his way to the front desk. He did his best to speak in between the sobs of the girl some distance behind him. A pink haired replicant was busy typing away nonsense when he interrupted.

"Hello I'd like to sign up for a…" he checked the piece of promotional paper he picked up yesterday "for the 'PvP freematch'."

"Yes of course sir, if I could just have your- why hello there, I haven't seen any of your kind before. And what might you be?"

[RACIST SLUT. WHORE.]

Greg handed over his electronic ID while explaining to her, "Yes, she's a Beheeyem and for what I've come to notice very uncommon around here."

[GET BENT LADY. YOU AND YOUR FIVE HUNDRED IDENTICAL WHORE SISTERS CAN SUCK A DI- Oh Greg, by the way you're gonna wanna hear about that break-up behind us. Some juicy stuff there.]

The front secretary read out Izena's full name to him, "Zentzugabeak Izena…she's you're only pokemon?"

"Well…yeah. We never really got around to getting any others. And I've known her for a while so…yeah."

"Well, as long as you know what you're doing. Here's your card back sir. Have a good day!"

"Thank you. Izena could you teleport us to the third floor?"

In a flash the two of them were on the third floor waiting room for the trainers. On a monitor hanging from the ceiling Greg's name appeared along with a countdown timer for his battle.

"Izena, what the hell? Why do you always do that whenever some asks about you?"

[What!? It's not like they can hear me if I don't talk to them. And besides, it's funny.]

"But I have to listen to your mind projections everytime- and it's not funny. How is that funny?"

[Greg, Greggy, shhhhh. Just shhhh….you hear that?]

Greg turned his head around trying to get his bearings on any sound he might hear.

[That nothing is the sound of you not getting any tonight if you don't forget about this. WoooOoOooOoo…]

Greg crossed his arms and glared in annoyance at her. "We've played this game before. And I won."

[I was in heat!]

"Your species doesn't go into heat!" Greg said in a harsh whisper. An overhead *ding* sound rang and Greg turned his head up to find that it was his turn to battle. "We'll talk later."

Greg turned and headed to the Trainer's Entrance.

[You'll bet we will.]

Inside the arena with was white, completely flat and devoid of any characteristics. This made it "balanced" as some enthusiasts put it. Greg took his position on his side of the arena while Izena stood in the middle zone. The two of them waited for their opponent to show up.

"By the way, what was that about the break-up?"

[Oh, that guy was breaking up with her because she sucked 37 dicks.]

"In a row!? For fuck's sake."

Izena turned to him, [I know right? That's like-]

"HEY THERE CASUALS. READY FOR AN ASS BEATING?"

Greg and Izena nearly leapt out of their skins at the sound of the young trainers voice.

"I didn't see him come in here- how did you get in here, there's only one door!" Greg tried to sound calm but his tone betrayed him. The kid, who could best be described in appearance as "the little punk you'd like to see trip and break his leg after he keyed your car as a prank". His red hat was on backwards, his shit eating grin, and his unmatching yellow and green shorts- the whole demeanor he gave off was that he couldn't care what you thought of him as long as he was laughing at you.

"I'm xXXJ03y420XXx and I'm gonna kick your ass. Go, Magikarp!"

The aptly named Joey released a Magikarp, which immediately went about doing it's best impression of a completely helpless fish flailing about on dry ground.

"Okay. Okay…Izena. Use…Psychic."

Izena wasn't sure what to make of the situation. On one hand this trainer came out of nowhere, shocking even her with her psychic abilities- she simply hadn't even detected him until she heard his voice. To top it off a Magikarp was an inadequate challenge to work off some of her tension. But a match was a match and she would have to make do. She picked up the Magikarp with her Psychic and tossed the thing about the sides of the room. She didn't really want to hurt the thing but she wanted to make sure it was still out of commission. When she was done the thing flopped to the center of the room. Jory was undeterred.

"Magikarp- use Hyper Beam!" The Magikarp leapt into the air and launched a solid beam of energy in Izena direction. Instinctively she teleported out of the way. The pock-mark on the ground showed the results of what could have been her.

Greg and Izena both thought in unison, ["What the FUCK!?"]

"Magikarp- use Hyper Beam!" Magikarp fire another beam to which Izena again dodged. Izena was starting to get second thoughts about this battling gig and she relayed her emotions to Greg. The feeling was mutual.

"What the hell- he didn't even recharge!"

"Magikarp return! Go Kyogre!" In a red flash Magikarp was out and a writhing whale diety was summoning an indoor rainstorm in it's place.

"What the hell- you took like three turns just now!"

Soaked and confused, Izena was suddenly had her complete fill of battling for the day.

[Fuck this, I'm out.]

Izena and Greg teleported back outside to the Battle Tower gardens dripping wet. The two of them stood for a while, stunned. Izena turned towards the building trying to settle her mind. By the building a man was being loaded into an ambulance for glass cut injuries sustained to his upper body. Greg broke the silence, "Okay…mistakes were made." He wrung out his hair while pacing back and forth. "Somehow I think this was my fault. But I think is about as good as our day is gonna get battle wise. I think we should dry off at home and try doing things tomorrow. Different things. Like a show. A musical. A nice, calm and predictable musical. Yeah."

Izena having zoned out simply agreed with him, [Yeah.]

"You know what I just realized?"

[What?]

"I left the backpack at home."

In a flash, they teleported home.


End file.
